Do you have those days when you feel like you're being "Punk'd".
Well, today was one of those days. I woke up to a sweet boy screaming "Mama/Daddy, I'm AWAKE! Come & get ME!" When I went into the room, he was crouching on the floor, which for us only means one thing. So I asked (like a dummy) "Do you need me to change your poop pants?" He replied "Nope, Mama, just pee pants".(LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE) So, I took his word for it & laid him up on the changing table, in the dark, and took off his overnight diaper. Got ready to slide on his big boy underwear, when lo' what did I find? A giant pile 'o poop. All over my hands, all over his legs, all over the changing table. Jeez. Meanwhile he's screaming "Queen it OFF, MAMA!" I'm thinking to myself: Sweet child, if you'd only TOLD me that you HAD POOP PANTS, I would have turned the lights on & dealt with the problem appropriately.
A little later in the morning and a few loads of laundry later, I was in the shower. (I try to only take my showers when he is sleeping, but today, we were meeting Husband for lunch & I wanted to look somewhat presentable). Sooooo, (sorry for the rambling) I was in the shower when G-Man comes into the bathroom holding a Prismacolor Black Art Marker & says "Mama, I drawed you a pretty picture." I quickly rinsed my hair out, wrapped a towel around me & calmly asked: "Show Mama where you drew me a picture."
It was Husband's art supplies, that he had retrieved from a tackle box kept in his office. He had drawn this:
all over the back of the office door & closet doors.
Oh, sweet G-Man. That is so pretty.
When I told my Mom this story, she had the nerve to say:
"You let him run around the house while you're in the shower?"
"You let him run around the house while you're in the shower?"
Um, no, not usually. In my defense, I DID put "Cars" on & set him in the recliner with a bowl of goldfish crackers & some juice like any good mother would do before I took my 2.2 minute shower. I didn't exfoliate, shave, deep condition or anything.
I see a Magic Eraser in my future...or a can of white trim paint.
Soooo, I'm dressed & getting ready to leave. I go to let our dogs out of their crates where they sleep at night. When I walk out the front door, G-man says :"I wanna go wif you Mama!"
Me: "No, you don't have any shoes on, I'll be right back"
I'm at the gate when I hear the sound of the front door slamming, then a click.
That's right, he shut the front door & locked me out.
I tried to reason with him to unlock the door, but he couldn't figure it out played dumb.
I remembered that he had been going to "Water the Lawn" off the back porch all morning.(Don't judge, we are potty training) So I walked around to the back door & let myself in. When I got back to the entryway, there he was sitting with his back to the door. He looked up at me sweetly shocked and said "I was wookin' for you, Mama!"
Yeah, right!
Don't even get me started on nap-time.
The one day when I needed to be balancing the checkbook & paying bills taking a 1 hour power nap before work, he won't nap. It's like he had caffeine salt lick right before naptime. Finally, I just let him up. I dropped him off at the sitter a little early & cried in my car on the way to work.
Ever had a day like this? So I ask you "WHERE IS ASHTON KUTCHER?"
